


Look at Me, Senpai

by LazyPerfectionist



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cheating, F/M, Seriously wtf happened in Brazil, Sorta Yandere, Timeskip Hinata best Hinata
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:16:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27663251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazyPerfectionist/pseuds/LazyPerfectionist
Summary: Hinata has had eyes for the captain’s girlfriend since high school and doesn’t hesitate to shoot his shot once he returns from Brazil. A ring won't stop him, will you?From my tumblr @daddyjima!
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Reader, Sawamura Daichi/Reader
Comments: 19
Kudos: 73





	1. Chapter 1

_Senpai, I like you._

As you continued to sit courtside, watching Karasuno’s team overtake the opposition led by your boyfriend Daichi Sawamura, your eyes briefly settled on Hinata, the orange-haired first year. When the ball finally sailed over to him, and he hit it with an inhuman speed, the middle blocker’s signature, you thought briefly about his frank and surprisingly serious confession earlier in the day. How bold! You hadn’t taken it seriously of course - your affection towards him was nothing short of motherly. Plus, he was well aware of how serious you were about Daichi. 

_What an odd joke,_ you thought, but you had played along with it despite the fact that you knew he meant what he said, dismissing him with a laugh and a pat on the head.

_I like you too, Hinata! You’re very fun to be around!_

His smile had only wavered slightly at your words but you could feel his eyes get just a little darker as the twang of rejection set in.

But he was just a baby and this was just puppy love. He’d get over it eventually, right? He’d eventually find someone his own age. 

Suddenly across the court, you could feel Hinata’s gaze fall on you again, and he smiled again, but this time it was different. Maybe it was bleed over from the boundless confidence and determination he had whenever he stepped on the court, but something about the way his eyes flashed just for a moment as he looked at you made your face grow just a little bit warm.

_[Years pass.]_

“So when’s the wedding?!” 

Your grandmother’s voice blared through the phone in raucous joy as you laughed and tried to field her many follow-up questions. She, like almost everyone else you had told, was incredibly excited about your proposal, and despite the fact that it was only three days later, the high was already starting to fade and you were getting tired of answering the same questions.

_When’s the wedding? Where’s the wedding? How excited are you? Are you already pregnant? Are you going to move into a house?_

Between your grandmother, your parents and siblings, your wonderful friends, your neighbors - honestly, literally everyone and their mother - you were feeling incredibly supported during this time. But still, somehow, something felt wrong, and you couldn’t exactly place why. 

Once you had finally answered Grandma’s questions to her satisfaction, you hung up the phone and flopped backwards back into your bed with a sigh. Holding up one hand in front of you to display your engagement ring, you inspected the stone carefully, letting it glimmer in the slowly fading sunlight beaming in through your bedroom window. 

“Mrs. Sawamura,” you tried out the name in a soft whisper. It had a nice sound to it, ____ Sawamura. This was what you had always wanted, ever since you had met and started dating in high school. You’d always wanted to support his dreams, whether it was excelling at schoolwork, volleyball, joining the police force… and what better way to do it by agreeing to be his wife and spending the rest of your life with him? So many years had passed with you by his side, this was only the next natural step.

So what exactly was this reticence inside of you? You knew he would be good to you, no matter what, even if you felt that something about your relationship had already started to lose its spark. He had been working longer days and later nights, leaving very little time for you, and with all this time left alone, sometimes you regretted not having spent more time in high school or even later on making friends outside of those people he knew. The problem was that the volleyball team was so warm from the start, and you were so invested in caring for them as Daichi was… maybe this was some form of delayed empty nest syndrome, solidifying as the members all grew up and grew apart.

You checked the time on the small wall clock before you. Daichi wouldn’t be home for another couple of hours, and again you couldn’t fault him for this. The ring on your finger looked quite expensive, so he’d clearly worked hard to afford it.

Maybe you would draw.

Minutes passed, maybe even an hour, and as the sun finally set, you set down your pencil and reached over to your window to close the curtains so that the neighbors couldn’t peer into your home once you turned on the lights. Clicking on the bedside lamp, you settled back into a cross-legged position before your large sketchbook again, now taking a second look at your drawing.

An ordinary but hyper realistic-looking crow now peered back at you, almost as if it were wondering why you had decided on putting it to paper out of all the things that could have come to mind. You looked at it carefully and remembered a single fact about crows:

_Crows never forget a face._

* * *

The next morning was Sunday and Daichi was fortunately off work for the day so you sat with your new fiancé at the kitchen table, listening to him talk excitedly about the week as the two of you shared a large omelette and munched on toasted bread.

“Honestly, you wouldn’t believe some of the stuff I see, babe, it’s really something.”

His laugh was always hearty and you couldn’t deny the sparkle in his brown eyes as he shared work shenanigans with you, so while you were uncomfortable with the idea of him being in harm’s way so often as a police officer, you couldn’t help but smile with him whenever he did. His happiness was infectious, especially when he held your hand tightly and squeezed it just like this very moment, interlocking his fingers with yours as he ate with his other hand.

Once he finished eating, he leaned over to kiss you on the forehead, threading his fingers through your hair. 

“Thanks for breakfast, baby,” he whispered, his voice smooth and lowered an octave. With his gaze, he drank up the image of you only in his oversized t-shirt and panties before pulling you towards him so that you straddled his hips as he sat on the chair. With you pressed close to him like this, between his hardening cock and the edge of the table, you could feel your breath hitch ever so slightly in your throat. Years had passed and you were still like this - you were still the shy, bashful girl who dared to date the captain of the volleyball team. 

“Daichi…,” you trailed off, as he started to litter soft kisses on your collarbones.

“Do you want to uh…,” he paused and pulled back, a smile spreading across his features, as one of his hands found its way up your shirt to palm your breast, “… start off our morning right?”

He didn’t bother waiting for your reply before his lips met yours for dessert.

* * *

Parted thighs and many soft sighs later, the two of you lay side by side in pleasant exhaustion. You stared at the ceiling, your cheeks flushed as you pulled air into your overworked lungs. Daichi’s head found its way to rest in the softness of your abdomen and you languidly caressed his hair, your body still buzzing from lovemaking. 

Daichi was clearly apologizing for passing out the moment he came home, you knew, and you appreciated his thoughtfulness. As you continued to softly scratch his scalp, the soft glow of the late morning sun warmed the two of you up even further and you knew that this feeling had to be what ballads were all about.

Love. 

You loved Daichi. Right?

His fingers traced up and down your thighs, just barely avoiding the dampness of him releasing inside you just moments earlier slowly leaking from your center.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, as his fingers traveled your skin. He always told you this, reminded you were the most wonderful girl in the world. 

And he was the most wonderful man on Earth. How incredible it was that you had found each other, you thought, as you lay together for what felt like hours and found yourself dozing off in each other’s embrace. 

Yes, this was enough.

* * *

“You don’t have to go all out babe, it’s just the guys!” Daichi’s loud voice carried from outside the bathroom as you perfected your mascara. You ignored him with a playful roll of the eye even though you couldn’t see him, focusing on perfecting a winged eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man. It had been a while since you had dressed up, and it didn’t hurt to really go all out. This was a sort of mini-reunion anyway and what better way to make your fiancé proud than to make all his friends jealous?

“I thought you said I was pretty this morning,” you called out, as you dabbed perfume behind your ears and at the center of your chest. “Don’t you want everyone else to know?”

With that you posed dramatically at the end of the hallway, cat-walking with a face so straight it was ridiculous until you reached Daichi who stood at the front of your door, holding in a laugh. You burst into laughter once you reached him, falling into his chest.

“Let’s go see your old team!” You said, quickly pushing him away playfully when his eager hands settled too comfortably on your ass. He nodded, deciding to grab your hand instead as your cab approached.

Your car ride was short and your mind started to wander as you idly rubbed the knuckles of Daichi’s hand with your thumb. You remembered him telling you vaguely about one of his teammates returning to Japan, prompting the reunion, the orange-haired one named Hinata who you recalled was nothing short of a ball of sunshine and had confessed to you once.

_Senpai, I like you._

Well, he would probably have gotten over that crush by now. It had been years.

The restaurant was loud when you entered, following Daichi closely. A table full of young men almost erupted in praise once the two of you approached.

“Captain!”

Tanaka, who you recognized easily from his shaved head and brash attitude came sailing over to essentially crush Daichi in a headlock, but before he could reach him, the orange-haired boy who had just graced your thoughts a couple of minutes earlier beat him to it, slapping him heartily on the back.

“You finally made it! Did you miss me?” Hinata said, with a grin and for a split second, you thought you saw his eyes flit to you. Without warning, your mind started to race, realizing that immediately your face had started to warm as you watched your goofy little underclassman with a crush talk and tease your fiancé animatedly- 

And to your dismay, you realized you couldn’t take your eyes off of him.

* * *

You couldn’t pinpoint exactly what had you unsettled throughout the lively dinner - was it the fact that even though you sat by Kiyoko, the previous team manager, she seemed to be more focused on eating quietly, a smile on her face as she basked in the glory days with the boys? Or was it the fact that you could see Hinata’s rare but noticeable furtive glances towards you, the ones that Daichi seemed to miss now that he was more than a little drunk judging by how red he was in the face? Maybe it was the fact that you were trying to understand what was this sudden gravitational pull you felt towards Hinata at first glance, something that made very little sense to you and seemed oh-so-very-wrong.

Was it the fact that while he was still shorter than average for a volleyball player, his time in Brazil had tanned his skin nicely, bringing out the well toned muscles in his shoulders or arms? Or that while his eyes were still bright and kind, the angles in his face had grown sharper and his smile had made the very slight shift from determined to confident and almost even cocky? 

What the hell was it that had you suddenly so _distracted_?

You fiddled with the ring on your finger above the table between bites of grilled meat and poured sake, trying desperately to make small talk with Kiyoko, only to be disappointed by how unsuccessful you were in engaging yourself in meaningful conversation.

Eventually you decided to get up for some fresh air, giving Daichi a little nudge on the back to let him know you were stepping out and took a seat in a small chair set outside the chilly restaurant meant for smokers. It was nice to have a little more quiet, and you briefly pondered if Daichi would be okay with you going home first. 

Something was terribly, _terribly_ wrong, and it was about to get way worse since it turned out that Hinata had followed you out.

“Heya!” Hinata’s voice startled you as he approached, quickly taking a seat beside you. Your face flushing for the second time today (you blamed it on the alcohol, of course), you eked out a hello, mentally shaming yourself for being so awkward.

“You were quiet in there…” 

“A-ah, yes! It’s just I haven’t really seen any of you guys in a while and we weren’t close, so it was a bit hard to follow the conversations…,” you trailed off, not making eye contact. You decided that a good way to politely add distance would be to re-introduce yourself even though you knew exactly who he was now, and you knew he remembered you. 

You stuck your hand out to greet him formally with a handshake.

“I don’t know if you still remember me but I’m ____ -”

“I know,” Hinata interrupted curtly, without looking directly at you and your hand fell to your side slowly and returned to your lap. He stared out at the street with his face unsmiling, a look that appeared almost unnatural for someone like him and then turned back to you to give you a wide smile anew.

“How have you been? I didn’t think I’d see you here again!” He was cheerful again and polite as always, but for a moment you felt mildly insulted, as though he’d implied that maybe he didn’t expect you to be with Daichi for this long.

Maybe you were just overreacting.

…

Yeah, you were just overreacting.

“Mmm, things have been great!” You replied earnestly, fiddling subconsciously with your engagement ring again, only to catch him laying eyes on it but making no comment. For some reason, you didn’t feel like it was worth mentioning either.

Silence sat between the two of you as you stared out into the road again together. Two strangers who’d known each other briefly. You wished he would go back in and the night would be over and you could forget the fact that you were suddenly attracted to him.

Ah, that was it. And that would be _it_.

Hinata spoke again and your heart thumped at his simple question, “Are you happy?”

You gave him a look of confusion but you could already tell what he meant just by the look in his eyes. The same look he gave his opponents on the court, the one that demanded to be taken seriously. 

While, it wasn’t exactly the same look that he gave you when you brushed his confession off those many years ago, it was pretty darn close.

“Y-yes?” You asked, feigning incomprehension. He smiled in response but not with his eyes.

“When’s the wedding?”

The shift of his tone back to excitement was jarringly unnatural, especially since you hadn’t even brought up your wedding, and now you wondered how one person could be confident enough to appear out of nowhere and ask bold questions to a complete stranger.

“I’m not sure yet… we haven’t planned yet.”

“Great!” He interjected suddenly, and rose to his feet. “I still have time!”

_Time?_

He turned to re-enter the restaurant as you looked at him in shock and incredulity. “Excuse me, time to do what?” You asked, immediately questioning why those words had come out of your mouth the moment they did.

Hinata turned to face you, his smile only mildly sinister when compared to the seriousness of his gaze.

“Time to convince you, of course. I’ve always liked you from the start, ___, and I think… actually I _know_ that I can treat you better than Daichi does.”

And with that he turned the corner, re-entering the restaurant and leaving you in a complete and utter shock.

* * *

_Who would believe you?_

Sweet little Hinata threatening to break up your upcoming marriage? 

Sweet little Hinata planning to steal your heart right under his senpai’s nose? 

Sweet little Hinata texting you suddenly at 11pm the next day while you got ready for bed just to let you know that he was “thinking of you”?

You looked at the phone incredulously, your other hand still holding your toothbrush wondering how to best respond to the message. The obvious answer was to block his number - you weren’t exactly sure how he’d gotten it anyway, but as your finger hovered over the button, you paused.

Then Daichi turned the corner of your bathroom door and startled, you fumbled and dropped your phone.

“You okay, Shakes?” He joked, as he reached for your phone, but you grabbed it quickly, locking it and placing it facedown on the bathroom sink. You quickly nodded, continuing to brush rapidly.

“Can you believe he grew taller?”

Your eyes rose.

“H-he?”

Daichi laughed. “Hinata, of course. He was such a shrimp, remember? I mean he’s still not that tall, but he definitely looks a lot more like an adult, right?”

“Y-yeah…,” you agreed, sheepishly, as Daichi hopped into bed, leaving you to squirm at the sight of your own reflection in the bathroom mirror. 

* * *

The next morning, you woke up to no new messages on your phone and breathed a sigh of relief, assuming that your non-response had sent the point across to the young volleyball player. With that odd guilt now off your shoulders, you occupied yourself with the first steps of wedding planning, spending most of the day browsing through websites and calling companies. You were determined to do this mostly yourself and do it right.

You weren’t exactly sure what you were trying to prove but over the next couple of weeks, you dove headfirst into flowers and venues and elaborate table accents and fancy invitations and ignoring Hinata’s messages that had now upgraded to thirst traps that kept your eyes lingering on the phone way too long, while Daichi spent more and more time at work, and less and less time with you, until suddenly…

“Daichi!”

For the fourth night in a row, Daichi had come home in the middle of the night and wordlessly crawled into bed beside you as you tossed and turned waiting for him to come home, because that was all you did: waste time until he returned to you, of course. What else could you do? Your world was so small, after all.

And it would only get smaller once you got married. Your miniscule sphere of existence centered around Daichi and you were beginning to resent it. 

_Was that the reason you were starting to save every one of Hinata’s dirty pictures?_

Dirty was an overstatement - you had seen everything up to his V-line and while your artist’s eye could now trace every single bit of his anatomy from memory, you couldn’t say anything he sent you was truly risqué, could you? Maybe he sent those pics to every girl on his phone, or maybe you were different…

That was besides the point. The point was that suddenly the man who lay beside you every night was no longer doing it for you.

“___,” Daichi whispered groggily, revealing that he really had just passed out the moment his head hit the pillow. “I really need to sleep… what’s the problem?” 

You faltered, unable to come up with something to explain why you’d just thrown a mini-tantrum.

“… there’s no problem, I was just… never mind.”

Too many things bubbled inside you and were left unspoken that night, and so in order to express yourself, you settled on, or rather on top, something way worse.

“I have to admit, I didn’t expect it to be this easy.”

Hinata didn’t mean to be offensive - _howcouldhebehewassuchasweetboyafterall_ \- but the pang of guilt in your chest said otherwise, as you inhaled and exhaled softly under the weight of his muscular body pressed against yours.

Maybe you felt bad, but the feeling was short-lived because once Hinata’s fingers dug into the flesh of your hips and gripped you tightly, firmly, so much so in fact you were sure it was just to prove that for all these years you had really belonged to him, he thrust into you so sharply and precisely that you let out a gasp as the intense pleasure blinded you.

“S-Shoyo!”

“Say it louder,” was all he whispered as he flipped you over before slamming you down onto him hard, sending another wave of intense stimulation through you.

You screamed his name again, tears now coming to your eyes as he bucked his hips against you, bouncing you up and down his deliciously large cock at a brutal, energetic pace, knowing very well that you couldn’t keep up from the short, unintelligible sounds now leaping out of your throat.

“You’ve always been mine, ___. You just didn’t know it yet.”

Warm wetness streaming from your face almost as much as from the space between your legs, you couldn’t find the words to protest. Did you want to protest? Was he right? Wasn’t he right?

Your mind was too hazy for thought, and instead you let selfish desire overtake you for the rest of the night.


	2. Chapter 2

_You can stay if you’d like to.”_

You paused for a split second in the middle of redressing yourself, your gaze settling on Hinata’s impressive body, now glowing with the thinnest layer of sweat and perched on the edge of the bed, maybe a little bit too eagerly. While his voice remained steady and neutral, his eyes showed just a hint of pleading, the sentiment also threaded in the way his knuckles whitened as he steadied himself in place. He appeared as though he were holding himself back from saying more or doing more. 

For a moment you were almost angry - in fact, furious that he would suggest that you’d stay over on the very first night, almost like he thought he was somebody important to you, like you weren’t simply taking out some sort of repressed frustration out on him.

However, the extremely recent memory of being folded and pressed into the plush hotel mattress, legs dangled over his shoulders, fingers tangled in his wild hair, filled so wide and so deep that you knew you’d probably think about it for the rest of your life if all of this somehow miraculously blew over, flashed in your mind and your irritation was replaced with another wave of guilt. 

No wonder he spoke with this sort of unchecked boldness. You had allowed it. He probably could smell the lust on you from the very moment he lay eyes on you at the restaurant.

You left the hotel without another word, but when he sent you a message to see if you had gotten back okay, you begrudgingly accepted that you would see him again. You couldn’t help it.

And so you continued to meet, with the securing of your engagement ring in a tiny pocket in your purse a new routine before you entered Hinata’s warm embrace for a couple of hours many more nights than not. Hinata, as usual, was all too happy to receive you, his brown eyes lighting up the night. In the dark, whenever he closed his eyes and let himself focus on your staccato breaths as he pulsed inside you, you were his and his only.

Soon your encounters progressed beyond you ending up crumpled up in an overstimulated mess to candid conversations over earnestly made and surprisingly decent meals. Hinata was a very good listener and hung on every word you said, making you realize how little you expressed yourself in the daytime.

Even creating art was different when he was around. You started to bring your sketchbook with you when you visited now that you didn’t solely leave under the cover of night, doodling quietly in the setting sun that matched the locks of his hair as you sat on his couch. The first time you’d decided to do something other than fuck for hours, he’d asked you what you did for a living. 

“I, uh, draw.”

The shout of genuine awe Shoyo let out was almost overwhelmingly embarrassing.

“What??? You get to do that all day?! Incredible! Do you paint too? What do you draw? Still life? Scenes? Can you draw me?” As Shoyo asked these questions, he only inched closer and closer to the couch, crowding your space and while you still retreated from him naturally, you could feel your heart drawing closer.

It had been literal years since someone was excited about what you produced, and while Daichi appreciated your creations around the house, you could tell he thought of them nothing more than decoration, not expressions of your soul.

 _Everything you make is beautiful_ , was your fiance’s compliment of choice but what you would have preferred to hear was _Everything you make is meaningful._

But you were Daichi’s little housewife, not an artist.

Like his little pet, Daichi continued to kiss you on the forehead before the crack of dawn before he went off to work and drape a protective arm over you late into the night once he returned, and you continued to pretend you never ever took off your engagement ring and work through wedding planning as though you weren’t making a mockery of your wedding vows night after night.

The ninth - or maybe eleventh time (?), you’d lost count - you met with Hinata, you asked him a bold question of your own.

“S-Shoyo..,” you started, trying your very best to ignore the winding coil in your belly as you tried to talk past Hinata’s deft fingers pumping in and out of your quivering cunt. 

“Mm?” His eyes were on you but his fingers continued to move, making it hard for you to remember how to formulate what you wanted to say, and it didn’t help that his other arm hooked around your waist pressed you against him just a little too firmly as usual.

“Why-,” your breath halted as he found the correct spot and you closed your eyes and bit your lip, but you pushed through the pleasure to speak, “why did, or.. why do you like me?”

“I don’t know.” His answer was both shocking and unsurprisingly candid. “I don’t think it matters, though.”

The glint in his eyes and the wide grin as he took in your varied expressions of pleasure reminded you that it truly didn’t matter why, and especially not for someone like him.

“Stay still for me, ____,” he whispered, diverting the subject, as he kissed your mouth softly to put your questions to rest then planted kisses in a trail down your belly to your lower lips.

* * *

A few months pass and your wedding preparations slow almost to a halt.

You don’t admit to yourself that it’s because you know now that you are falling out of love with Daichi and you ignore the fact that Hinata continues to permeate your mind almost all the time. You can’t exactly say that you’re in love with him because you aren’t. After all, you have enough self-awareness to understand what it means to be in love with the idea of someone new and to be seen as somebody different. 

When Hinata lets you know he’ll now be traveling for matches, he kisses your forehead, caresses your face and assures you he’ll be back soon to see you. He sends sweet texts and pictures as if he really is your boyfriend, and it’s sick how quickly you react to your phone every time it buzzes or how you now wake up as early as Daichi to walk around your neighborhood as the sun rises just so you can hear Hinata’s voice on the phone.

You’re not in love with him though. You could never fall that quickly.

As you start a pot of coffee before putting on your running shoes, Daichi cups your face in his hands and presses his lips to yours, pulling back to look at you with adoration.

“What could I do without you?” He says before he goes. Your heart wrenches.

Your frustration mounts when you find yourself recreating Hinata’s features on paper and considering the complements of colors that would best convey his spirit. You tear out the sketch, crumpling up the paper in a ball before you toss it across the room and now you are crying because _what the fuck are you actually doing_?

Were you really this fickle?

You were - when your front door knocks in the early evening and it’s Hinata, not Daichi at your doorstep (because of course he wouldn’t knock to enter his own home), your first impulse is to hiss _Whythefuckareyouhereareyouaninsanepersonleaveimmediately_ but when he says he missed you, you instead find yourself melting into strong, anxious arms.

And you forget that Daichi sometimes comes home before 7pm when Hinata hoists you up so that your legs wrap around his waist. You forget that this is your and Daichi’s living space while you are entirely consumed in Hinata’s kiss. You forget that the dining room is a place where you and your fiancé share meals together when Hinata bends you over the oak table, drags down your pants and panties so quickly you hear them tear, and enters you impatiently at full length and girth. He lets out a sigh as he settles inside you, and as you feel his cock pulsate within you, you forget the fact that Hinata is now pounding into you with reckless abandon like a cheap whore and that the legs of the table are slowly scraping along your wood floors, threatening to leave marks.

You can’t come up with the last movie you watched on the living room couch with Daichi when Hinata is laid across it, his face contorted in pleasure as your head bobs up and down his saliva coated shaft.

When Hinata is fucking you against the wall just beside your bedroom door, you’re unable to think about what it would mean for Daichi to find you and Hinata marking up every part of your home with your infidelity. All you can hear are his soft grunts with every upward thrust and all you focus on is the way you are filled so completely by him, how warm you feel and how it feels to hold on to him for dear life.

“You feel so, so good, ___,” Hinata whispers as his forehead presses to the hard surface behind you and he pushes even deeper, forcing another moan out of you that intensifies when he bites down on the soft flesh of your shoulder.

“S-Shoyo…”

“P-please be mine,” he suddenly begs, and you’re horrified, but at that very moment your coil snaps and your entire body clenches around him, your arms, legs, the walls of your vagina, your fingers, your desires… and then he comes as well and you can feel _him_ with every jet that coats your insides.

You’re limp in his arms and he leans further in to keep you even steadier against the wall so that you don’t slip out of his grasp. His face is sweaty and sticky and he’s no longer smiling. His eyes are dark and desperate and you truly don’t understand why he wants you so badly but you know he won’t tell you because _really does it matter_?

Your heart all but stops.

This is wrong and evil and all types of awful but his eyes…

“Please, ___?”

Your mouth falters. Your breathing is heavy and even though there’s a haze clouding your thoughts, you still have enough panic to cut through the dizziness of it all as your heart now thumps rapidly in your chest, fueled by the adrenaline running through your veins.

What could you even promise him? You didn’t have time to take your ring off this time, and you weren’t completely sure you wanted to. It would mean a sort of defeat, that you really were this type of woman who played with others’ feelings to fill her own emptying heart.

You could feel Hinata growing soft inside you and him inching even closer to you as though he couldn’t bear to feel your body rejecting his.

You were still at a loss for words, and your eyes finally flitted over to the front door and maybe for a split second, you actually hoped Daichi would see you and make the decision, any decision for you. Anything that would end this nightmare of watching Hinata’s façade start to crumble before you.

“Dammit, ____.” Hinata’s voice suddenly breaks, and he pulls back to you and you steadily find yourself standing alone on your own two feet and look at him to see those eyes shining bright with tears.

He knows what you’re going to say before you say it, and you don’t want to break his heart, but you have anyway.

_“Shoyo, I’m getting married.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will try to update soon! Please comment if you liked <3


	3. Chapter 3

_Leave him._

Hinata’s voice still rang in the back of your head but you would ignore it. Today, you would try on wedding dresses. You’d chosen Daichi, after all.

You trailed behind your older sister, who had flown in from overseas just for the occasion, and your mother who chattered excitedly between themselves, linked arm in arm, as they essentially tore through the bridal shop ahead of you.

“Try this, ___! It’s so beautiful and just look at that embroidery!” your sister insisted, almost snatching a backless and lacy gown from the hands of a terrified employee.

“No, this looks better!” Your mother pushed back, pulling another dress off the rack with no decorum to the other employee’s obvious dismay.

“Look at how high that collar is! Is she getting married to God?”

Meanwhile, you wondered if it was sacrilegious to be wearing white at the wedding given the circumstances.

_If you truly loved him, you wouldn’t be like this with me. Why pretend?_

_Why not be 100% true to yourself?_

Hinata’s dreadful honesty continued to weigh heavily on you as you weaved in and out of dresses, feigning excitement as best you could in order to not tip off your annoyingly perceptive sister.

_Only marry someone you love._

“You look beautiful, ___. I think this is the one,” your sister spoke up from the outside, now slipping into the dressing room to get a first glance at you once your mother slipped off for a quick bathroom break.

You whispered a word of thanks as you looked yourself now clad in the one you had also settled on as the perfect gown in the full length mirror, trying to envision the look on Daichi’s face as you came down the aisle, the picture of an angel in the flesh, promising to devote yourself to him forever. You could see your sister purse her lips behind you from the reflection, and you knew she was sizing up your facial expressions.

Oh God, maybe she wouldn’t-

“Cold feet?”

She did.

Your heart sank as you bit your lip, trying to hold back tears, but before you could your sister continued in a soft voice.

“It’s not unnatural to have cold feet.” She took a seat in the small stool set at the corner of the room and crossed her legs before looking at you carefully, a reassuring smile spread on her face. “You remember that I almost ran away the day of my wedding, right?”

The image of her drunk and crying two nights before, eerily calm one night before and practically jumping out the window in her own white dress thirty minutes before she gracefully walked down the aisle came to mind and you found yourself stifling a laugh. She smiled in response to your reaction, all was not lost as long as you could still laugh.

“It’ll be fine, as long as you love him.”

Did you love him?

“How were you sure?” You asked now as you hastily slipped out of the dress. A part of you wondered if you were just being dramatic, but the gentle fabric felt as though it were tightening on your skin despite being the perfect fit.

She let out a sigh and crossed her arms over her chest. 

“I want to say something wise and romantic, like, ‘it was when we met eyes’ or ‘when he walked three miles in the snow to change my flat tire’, but to be honest, it was probably when I realized I couldn’t imagine life with anyone else. I know that sounds cliché but it’s the honest truth.”

She looked you in the eyes and sensed the waters muddying within rather than clearing up, and pursed her lips.

“If you want to tell me what’s going on, you can.”

Your body tensed for a millisecond. You knew you could tell her anything, but this? Cheating on your fiancé so shamelessly right after the engagement? There were limits to human understanding, but then again, maybe admonishment from someone you trusted would get you on the right track.

You opened your mouth to speak but before you could offer up a single word, your mother rushed back into the room.

“Why’d you take off the dress before I could see it???” She fussed, and you grinned in response to her disappointed expression before switching back to the task at hand. 

“Quick, put it back on!”

You would spare sissy dear the awful details.

* * *

Hinata didn’t call or text for the following week, and by the fifth day, the phantom rings and vibrations of your cell phone had started to drive you crazy. It was hard to concentrate on your art, on tasks of daily life, or preparing your wedding when all you could see flash in your mind’s eyes was what he looked like when you were under him. You told yourself it was the afterglow of lust and would eventually pass.

As if to palliate the pain of your separation, Daichi started to come home earlier than usual, and it began with him popping home at exactly noon on the next Saturday with flowers _just because_ , an assortment of chocolates and takeout from your favorite restaurant.

“Let’s have a picnic,” he suggested, with a kiss on the forehead for his best girl.

You turned off your phone as you followed him out to the small park down the street, spending the early afternoon basking in the sunshine of spring and the warmth of Daichi’s affectionate regard.

Daichi pulled you into his arms as usual as you watched children play in the park with furry companions, couples riding bicycles and old ladies exchange gossip (and maybe launch a few surreptitious glances at the two of you). While the two of you were not strangers to public displays of affection, you couldn’t deny that you were beginning to become uncomfortable the more you noticed people looking at you. You couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that maybe suddenly they were seeing you not as a regular couple at the park but for who you really were: a woman with a terrible secret and a man who was none the wiser.

Did it matter if you chose to be good to him from now on? Would that account for the betrayal? 

Would that erase the fact that a small part of you wished Hinata was holding you right now instead?

* * *

Two weeks passed and you fought the urge to call Hinata Shoyo.

By now you knew it was something other than lust that drew you to him, now that Daichi took the time to satisfy the need for carnal intimacy every few nights, even if it wasn’t quite the passion of before, when you had just graduated from high school and all you had were your hopes for the future and each other, but a different type of practiced passion altogether between you.

Daichi knew all the things you liked and exactly how to make your body react in the way he wanted it to but while you were satisfied, you were still wanting. 

Of what? Could you really say it was Hinata that you needed after such a short time together?

Daichi’s lips and tongue trailed down your soft belly as he held on firmly to your wrists above you, teasing you with promises of entering your privacy every time his mouth drew near, then wandered back up to your bosom. 

“Not yet, darling, just wait for me like this.”

He leaned in, pressing his length against your thigh, forcing you to arch your back and buck against him, but he wouldn’t indulge you, laughing softly while his hold preventing you from reaching out to him remained steady.

“P-please, I want you, Daichi, just let me feel you, please.”

He had been edging you for the past twenty minutes but it felt more like hours and your body craved the feeling of fullness between your legs.

“You want to feel me, baby girl?” He growled, earning you a lash of the tongue right at your sex, sending a current through your spine.

“Yes…,” you let out a whimper, “please let me feel you.”

“This isn’t enough?” He asked, between licks and slurps of your wet cunt. “You taste so sweet for me, little baby, what if this is all I want to do now?”

Your mind swam with muddled pleasure as you closed your eyes and you were no longer thinking straight, all you had left in you was the ability to beg.

“Please, please put it inside me,” you continued to whine as he nibbled on one of your lower lips.

“Beg for Daddy’s cock,” he said, now kissing your mouth again, a large hand now gripping both of your wrists to hold you back as he pressed against you, the pressure on your chest and the pressure of his member just knocking at your entrance making it hard for you to breathe.

“P-please stop teasing me, S-Shoyo.”

A pause.

“What?” Daichi’s voice had reverted back to his regular voice, no longer thick with lusty mischief but with confusion, and he stopped his movements, unsure as to what you were trying to say to him. His grip relaxed around your hands, setting you free.

Your heart stopped as a panic set in, sobering you up almost entirely and you had to think fast, fast, fast.

“C-can ‘shoyu’ be out safeword, babe? I just wanna try something today, something a little different…” you mumbled, surprising yourself with how quickly you could lie under pressure. Awful. You were so awful.

He gave you a confused look, given that you didn’t usually use safewords, but it wasn’t a bad idea anyway, and he nodded with a small shrug before resuming with kisses to your neck.

Your heart continued to pound and you hoped he didn’t notice that the drum of your heartbeat now played fear. That was a close one.

Something had to give soon.

* * *

The next day, Daichi seemed to have expedited that process for you.

“Hey, I’m gonna have Hinata come for dinner tomorrow night,” he called out from the shower casually as you started your skincare routine. If not for the fact that you were literally splashing cold water in your face, there would be no other reason for the ice now running through your veins.

“No problem right? I can come back early to help you make dinner beforehand.”

“… No problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit's about to hit the fan! Or maybe not...  
> Please comment or leave a kudos! I don't bite! <3


	4. Chapter 4

_Summary:_ Reader starts to see Hinata in a different light once he returns from Brazil. It turns out Hinata’s inability to give up isn’t just something restricted to the court. (~2.3k words)

 _Warnings:_ fem!reader, nsfw, infidelity, a touch of the yandere

 _A/N:_ Honestly I can’t even tell who I want to be happy anymore, this is just sad lmfao.

* * *

“Shit-” You murmured under your breath, immediately withdrawing your burnt finger from the oven and into your mouth, sucking hard to palliate the sting. As usual, you’d neglected wearing mittens before turning the roasted veggies and inadvertently hit the top rack, adding another burn to the collection of small, barely-faded kitchen scars on your forearms.

Daichi glanced in your direction briefly, before going back to preparing fruit for dessert.

“You need to be more careful,” he said, just a little more stern than usual. The click of the knife hitting the wooden cutting board cut the air sharply, accenting an uncomfortable silence as you watched him from behind.

Your eyes rested on him for just a few moments more. Somehow, throughout the day, your panic at the idea of Hinata showing up to dinner in your own home and laying your infidelity to bear had slowly quelled. To expose you would only be out of spite, and even if Hinata could be determined and ambitious to the point of being inconsiderate, he wasn’t petty. You’d even considered the fact that he might not even show up.

Now the only thing on your mind was figuring out what was generating the cool energy Daichi seemed to be trying very desperately to suppress. Was it a response to your own skittish behavior? You _had_ been keeping yourself (and your phone) a fair distance away from him since this morning, after all.

You shifted closer to him now, grabbing another knife and a cutting board to prepare dessert in silence. You turned to look at him, but he didn’t turn back.

You finished preparing dinner in silence.

To your dismay, Hinata showed up, right on time, and your stomach turned to lead with the familiar rapping on the door. Hesitantly, you trailed behind Daichi as he walked over to let him in.

Somehow, some way, Shoyo was still as bright as the sun despite it being evening, lighting up the room from the very first sight at the entrance. You realized you had missed his smile, when he grinned in your direction as though nothing was wrong and nodded politely at you first; maybe you noticed that the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, but he turned away from you quickly to greet Daichi.

“I brought ingredients for _caipirinhas_!” He said cheerily, glass bottles clinking loudly in a bulky brown bag he balanced on his side while he took off his shoes at the entrance. Trying to mask the tremble of guilt coursing through you, you reached for the precariously positioned items to help him only to be suddenly intercepted by Daichi cutting you off by standing between you two. 

“Got it!” He said, grabbing the bag hastily from Hinata but as he turned to set the goods on the kitchen counter, a flicker of something dark ran through his face for a split second, and this time you knew you hadn’t imagined the look. Something was up.

“Come have a seat,” he encouraged your guest.

Instead you and Daichi found yourselves seated while Hinata comfortably navigated through your kitchen (once you had located glasses, ice and a shaker of course), having insisted on treating you to ‘ _Brazil’s national drink!_ ’ once you had set out glasses and ice.

Hinata joined you at the table, setting down different colored prepared drinks - a caipirinha that matched the color of his hair, a pale-green drink for Daichi and you last, a bright yellow cocktail that you eyed suspiciously. 

“Passion,” he said, with that smile again that didn’t reach his eyes. You tensed. 

“The fruit,” Hinata added quickly with a laugh, “I feel like you would enjoy sour and sweet together… I also considered grapefruit for a bitter taste.”

You let out a soft, tinny laugh, stirring your drink before you sipped, and you could feel Daichi carefully studying the two of you as he sat by your side and just diagonal from Hinata, who sat directly across from you.

If Daichi was upset with Hinata in particular, he didn’t make it obvious. Daichi, in usual older brother fashion, took the time to catch up with Hinata properly in ways he couldn’t in a crowded bar, and you wondered if they had talked at all since that night where you had met again for the first time. 

Somehow you already knew everything Hinata shared. You knew too much. You didn’t nod in surprise, as you would when hearing a funny story for the first time, and you spent too much time attempting to be a stranger.

While Hinata was effortlessly at ease, you poked at your food noticeably. 

“You’re not hungry, my love?” Daichi asked clearly, in the middle of Hinata’s sentence, calling attention to your solemn presence at the dinner. You startled at the sudden attention, the eyes of both men on you.

“Oh, uh, I think I just got full from cooking. All the smells and such, you know,” you murmured, and Daichi seemed to smile genuinely.

“Of course.”

Hinata clapped his hands all of a sudden. 

“Ah! I’m very sorry if all I’ve been doing is talking about myself! Enough about me!” He interjected. Smiling now again, he looked towards you with glee. “Oh, have you started wedding preparations?” He questioned, brown eyes settling on the ring on your finger.

The thought that you never had it on whenever you were with him briefly crossed your mind.

Your throat was suddenly a bit dry as you came up with a reply. Daichi took a glance at you and then let out a hearty laugh as though he were covering for you, pulling you close to him. 

“Of course, it’s all we can think about.”

Hinata’s smile did not waver, but he said nothing further. There was another silence in the room as Hinata poked at his food, deciding what to say next.

There was something sudden that filled the quiet air as metal scraped against ceramic, like the sound of a kettle whistling or a pot overboiling and maybe it was the fact that the cocktail had been a little strong, but suddenly you felt that you couldn’t be in the room a second longer.

“I think I’m g-gonna have to turn in boys,” you said, with another laugh that sounded somewhere between nervous and drunk. “Thank you for coming by, Hinata-san.”

The _-san_ was harsh and you knew it, but it was appropriate. You tried not to look at Hinata’s face as you stood up in your chair, but Daichi had other plans.

He pulled you again into a seat on his lap, making your heart stop.

“Ah, but you missed dessert babe… just stay a few minutes longer. You took so much time to prepare this lovely meal.”

His grip was like iron while his eyes again slid away from you and back to Hinata, and when you followed his gaze to look at him as well, if your heart had started pounding before at Daichi’s sudden roughness, it was now attempting to escape from your rib cage and run across the street.

Hinata’s soft brown eyes were now ominously dark and the dazzling white teeth of his smile now gleamed of danger.

Something snapped.

“Stop looking at my wife, Shoyo,” Daichi finally said, coolly and deliberately.

There it was.

You could feel every muscle in your body freeze into ice, but your blood ran even colder at Hinata’s reply.

“Why should I stop?”

Hinata remained perfectly settled, but you could tell he was ready to shake, and the muscles of his forearms tensing on the table slightly before his hands balled into fists.

“If I don’t look at her, will you?!”

His tone was accusatory enough that Daichi’s grip on you tightened, and his voice grew louder.

“So… so you admit it? You’re this shameless?”

Hinata looked at Daichi, then at you, then back to his former captain. The anger in his countenance seemed to defuse only slightly at the shock in your facial expression, maybe at the disappointment that you had for now chosen and would probably continue to choose Daichi over him.

“You stopped looking!” Hinata yelled, and in his voice, you could hear a ghost of the young boy who you had disregarded so many years ago. “You stopped paying attention, and all I’ve wanted my whole life is for her to look at me. So of course, I’m going to take my chance… of course, I was going to spend as much time as I can seeing her for who she really is! I will _never_ stop looking!”

Daichi seemed to recoil from the shock of the kohai he had practically raised yelling back at him, and his jaw dropped and then he looked at you, the woman he loved and intended to marry in his arms. A grave miscalculation. 

“It was such a short time but now I know everything, Daichi. Everything that you don’t care about anymore.

I know what makes her laugh, what makes her sad, what she wants to do with her days. I even know how much she loves you and I hate it. I fucking hate it.

I know about her back dimples, and what she sounds like when she’s excited or when she moans, and that place where she has the tiniest birthmark. Yeah, _that one._

You’ve gotten so fucking lazy all these years with her by your side while every day I wake up and wish she would take me seriously.”

The fact that Shoyo managed to keep talking in the backdrop, and his words continued to implicate you further and further felt like a wrench in your heart, but the fervor that dripped in his voice… you were torn.

_Shoyo, please stop…_

“You…,” Daichi’s voice trailed off as he watched you fall apart, crying profusely.

“Daichi, I’m sorry.”

Daichi’s head started to spin. This was far, far from what he had expected.

A confrontation, yes. A mild one, where he would tell Hinata maybe not so gently to back off. He had seen a couple of the texts Hinata sent you early on of course, and never an answer from you, so _of course_ you were staying faithful to him. And even if you had thought about what it would feel like to be with Shoyo once or twice, trying his name in your mouth in fantasy so that it rolled off the tongue during sex, he could begrudgingly forgive you for that.

But whatever Shoyo implied now was much more than a crush. In fact, this drawn-out declaration of his feelings was so far from a crush that it filled him contempt.

Was it an obsession perhaps? Daichi wouldn’t admit that maybe Shoyo loved you genuinely, that would be too unbearable to think about. But the implication that you had in any way given into him for real, right ahead of your wedding… 

That was too much to endure.

He had always ignored the soft undercurrent of Hinata’s affection towards you. It was painfully obvious. He knew about the confession back in high school, he’d even softly joked about it when you told him about it, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

He’d get over it. Hinata was never a threat. Couldn’t be.

And so Daichi ignored every furtive glance even though he understood more than anyone that Hinata was persistent to a fault.

A moment crossed Daichi’s mind briefly from his third year in high school, when he found himself scolding Hinata for a simple mistake during practice: 

_How many times do I need to tell you that you always need to consider how your actions will affect others?_

He’d meant it on the court, he never thought Hinata would be like this in real life.

Coveting.

Reckless.

Scheming? No, not scheming. Hinata didn’t hide. You were the one to hide.

“How long?” Daichi said, his voice still shaking, his hands letting go of you so that you could finally stand on your own two feet and explain yourself.

Your knees started to give way and you knelt down in a heap, hot tears falling freely from your eyes. Disgusting. Were you sad because you hurt him or because you got caught?

Daichi couldn’t bear to look at you, his face twisted in anguish, focusing on his anger at Hinata instead.

“How long?!” He demanded again to know, slamming his fist on the table in Hinata’s direction. Hinata was focused instead on the trembling mess that was you now, and making his way over to encase you, and Daichi’s rage only continued to build.

“Don’t fucking touch her!”

Hinata pushed past Daichi who had now risen to block his way towards you and before you could try to defuse the situation, you heard the unmistakable sound of knuckles hitting flesh.

You’d missed the punch but Daichi’s fist was still clenched, and he was shaking it out, his body heaving and his face red and maybe he was crying, but all you could pay attention to was Shoyo who stood in place, stunned.

_“There’s a fucking limit, Hinata!”_

Despite all these years, Daichi would still be scolding him like a child made Hinata’s fists clench and his muscles strain, and in the next few moments, you knew you had to move before it turned into a full-blown fight.

“Daichi, please!” You screamed, now getting to your feet to stand in between him and Hinata, your stomach turning as you took in the torment drawn into his features as he looked into your eyes.

“Please, please, just look at me,” you said, cupping his face in your hands, even though you knew you had no right at all to touch him, but all to make sure you stopped this, whatever this was. You couldn’t let this continue.

“You slept with him!” He screamed in your face, upset making his voice hoarse, his face now wet with tears. You weren’t sure you had ever seen him cry in all these years.

“How many times? Where? Why? I gave you everything!”

“Please… Daichi, I”m sorry!”

“You slept with him when I worked so hard for you!”

“Daichi-”

“Stop talking!” He said, all but ripping your hands off his face. “How could you… with Hinata? How?”

He now sank to the ground, curling into himself while you and Hinata both watched him become helpless. You wanted to creep closer to him, to hold him in your arms but you couldn’t, you knew you didn’t deserve to touch him.

“I-I’m sorry,” you choked out, again. “I love you, Daichi… I’m so sorry.”

He responded with short and strained sobs, over which you could barely hear Hinata slam your front door shut as he left.


	5. Chapter 5

Daichi never told you to leave. In fact, he didn’t tell you anything. He had no words left for you, it seemed. 

You ended up staying despite feeling like an unwanted guest in your own home, the home you had made together, entering the bathroom only to brush your teeth and rummaging through your closet to pick out a spare blanket and pillow to sleep on the couch.

Daichi would have never let you sleep on the couch, not even for a second before tonight, but when you cozied up against a spare pillow, your face tight with dried tears, he didn’t afford you a second glance before closing the door and locking it tight.

You found yourself staring at that door almost the entire night.

You weren’t exactly sure that it was even right for you to stay under the same roof after how you had hurt him, you were something foul, something tainting this once loving, safe environment. But where else would you go? What would leaving mean to Daichi after all that had just transpired?

Walking out the door would mean you’d just committed to your decision to leave him. Whether it was for Hinata or for yourself, it was all the same to Daichi. You had to stay, if only because you were responsible for fixing your mistake. You had to account, somehow, for years of your life given solely to him.

Never mind that it was clear that you were thinking more about duty than about your love for him. Never mind that as you tossed and turned throughout the night, the thought of whether or not Hinata had safely made it home and/or if he would ever forgive you continued to wreak havoc on your psyche.

You didn’t sleep a wink that night, keeping your phone just close enough to you that you would be able to answer if he called, and just far enough that you wouldn’t be tempted to call him.

How awful were you.

…

The next morning, you roused to the sound of the bedroom door unlocking. Disoriented and sore from the discomfort of a sofa not exactly meant for overnight company, you untangled yourself from covers, meeting Daichi’s hesitant gaze. He looked almost as wrecked as you imagined that you appeared, and from the dark circles underlining his puffy eyes, you could tell he’d probably slept just as little as you.

“Daichi…,” his name faded in your throat as he broke eye contact to the sound of your voice, and walked away from where he stood to walk to the kitchen.

Suddenly the short distance between the living room to the kitchen seemed insurmountable. You stayed in place as you heard him rummage a little too loudly and make himself a bowl of cereal. You waited for what seemed like forever, trying to come up with something to say, somehow, to explain the fact that you’d reduced him to nothing when all he’d done was build you up. 

He ate quietly while you tried to develop the strength to walk towards him, and time passed imperceptibly. You heard the water running as he rinsed his plate once he finished.

When he re-emerged from the kitchen, he stood again, locking eyes with you, his eyes no longer sad but stern with a slight furrow of his eyebrow. His jaw clenched and he made a couple steps towards you, stopping a safe distance away from you. One that was safe for him.

In a voice that started off small, and restarted to be clear and assertive, he made certain that whatever you had was unsalvageable. 

“You may keep the ring, ___ _-san_ , but I think it’s best if we don’t see each other anymore.”

—

Hinata took a long look at himself in the mirror, probably long-needed. The spot where Daichi had struck him had swelled overnight, but he was overall unscathed, at least physically.

He couldn’t say he hadn’t expected this to happen; if there was anything he had grown out of was ignoring consequences to actions. He just hadn’t cared enough to fear them. He knew it would be a long shot for you to choose him from the very beginning, and the truth was, from the very moment, he saw you walk in, hand in hand with Daichi, he had been shook to his very core. 

You were still as beautiful and as warm as he remembered you. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and this was absolutely true, in every sense of the word when it came to you.

He’d expected his crush to fade after you’d rejected him with a laugh and a pat on the head years ago, especially once you had graduated, but somehow the opposite had happened, his affections for you taking root in the very essence of his being and growing as time went on.

It’s not that he thought about you all the time, but you popped up ever so often while he was in Brazil, and he’d considered trying to find you once he returned. He would stand tall at the time he met you again, expecting you would be impressed by his progress, the fact that he had maybe grown at least a little in body and spirit, and you would at least, even for a moment, entertain being with him.

Only to find out that you were getting married. That hadn’t been part of the plan.

Again, he was naive.

He took a deep breath and let it out, and suddenly he couldn’t keep the tears from falling.

Again, he was a child. A nuisance. Confident without a basis. What had he been thinking? Why him? It could never be him, just an energetic _kohai_ who had bitten off more than he could chew and now was alone crying in front of a mirror.

He couldn’t act like he wasn’t the problem. He’d ruined his friend’s impending marriage, thinking only about himself, and for what? You still didn’t love him, despite his best efforts.

He rubbed the side of his face gingerly, wincing at the sharp pain.

No matter how much he hurt now, Daichi still hurt more.

—

You left in the middle of the day while Daichi was still at work.

It was a smoother process than you expected to pack up your clothes and art supplies, leaving everything else to him. It made you realize how little of yourself existed apart from him when you gathered up so few belongings in a couple of suitcases.

When you called your sister to take you home, she was merciful enough not to ask questions. You drove a little while with only silence between you before she shot you a meaningful glance for just a moment,

“Did you decide he wasn’t the one?”

You looked away from her and out the window. “Something like that.”

—

Returning the wedding dress was one struggle and calling off the wedding was another, but as time passed it became easier to evade prying questions on why and why not, and how and how not.

A part of you was unreasonable enough to wonder why Daichi hadn’t fought a little harder for you, knowing that if he had just said the words, you probably would have stayed and tried your best to be better for him. You hadn’t even left a note when you left because what more excuses did you have to provide? 

But to him, you became a ghost. Not one question, not one comment - he let you fade out of his existence without a single remark.

You wondered if he had iced out Hinata the same way. Hinata wasn’t speaking to you either ever since you’d made your choice, if any.

Months continued to pass and your father’s rude jokes about you managing to scare off a man who loved you more than himself faded, and your mother’s urges to force you to reconcile with Daichi finally followed suit, to your relief. You dove headfirst in your art, considering applying to a professional program to pursue your passion. Or the next one… whatever you wanted.

The better part of a year had passed since you’d swiftly exited out of Daichi’s life without a single verbal exchange between you two, until you received a call while you sat before a canvas in the middle of a painting. 

Despite the fact that the number was no longer saved in your phone, you could recognize the number anywhere. You hesitated for a split second but still you lunged for the phone because you weren’t sure if you wanted reconciliation or forgiveness or maybe just a chance to hear his voice again.

“… Have you been well?”

The low tone of his voice still held a bit of tension to it, but you accepted that he would possibly never speak softly to you again. But he wasn’t exactly angry… just reluctant. Like he was being forced to speak to you. You tensed. He didn’t have to ask that question.

What if you said you had been well? Would he regret this call? 

What if you said every so often you were wracked with guilt and suddenly you felt like you couldn’t breathe, that you didn’t deserve to breathe?

“Mm. Have you?”

“I have.”

There was a too-long and too-thick silence in the air between you two as both of you hesitated.

“I-I’ve moved on,” he finally said, and your heart broke freshly. 

Yet in a voice that was too high and too cheerful, you blurted out, “… That’s great!”, to hide the pain of the knife twisting in your belly. 

As though emboldened by the strangle in your voice, he continued and you weren’t exactly sure if he relished in your pain or if it was embarrassment that made him chuckle nervously, but he continued.

“I know I told you you could keep the ring but… I was wondering actually if I could have it back.”

Straight to the point, straight to the heart, and you were proud of yourself for not falling apart on the end of your line as you agreed to return it to him. 

…

_Don’t call him. Don’t call him. Don’t call him. Don’t call him. Don’t call him._

Your mantra played in your head over and over and over again as you stared at your phone, as your heart raced, as your head pounded, as you paced the room, as tears pricked your eyes.

You had to be happy for Daichi. He’d gotten over you quickly, enough to consider giving your ring to someone else. So what if it had barely been a year? So what if you started to question if you were really just a placeholder for someone else? 

You’d hurt him. You deserved this pain.

_Don’t call._

You picked up your phone and dropped it.

What were you going to say?

Please forgive me? Please try again? Please don’t move on? Please fight for me?

_Don’t call, you idiot._

You wanted to scream. What was your problem exactly? Your life had settled into an order. You were starting to make friends. You knew what you wanted to do with your life. You stood on your own two feet.

But why had Daichi let all you built together be replaced so easily?

_Don’t you dare fucking call him!_

Did he ever love you?

Your throat felt dry and your head swam and you sat down at your canvas and tried to paint but your hands shook too much to hold your brush and your tears clouded your vision.

You heard your phone buzz once yet again, and you considered picking up your phone and tossing it against the nearest wall in a huff because you were so close to making a fool out of yourself, but the message across it gave you pause.

A message from Hinata Shoyo.

**_I know I might be the last person you want to hear from, but I just wanted to check in._ **

There was a pause while you stared at the message, a million thoughts now running in your head. 

First, why hadn’t you deleted his number?

Second, why now?

As you pondered, nose still running and heart still wrenching, another message popped up.

**_Despite everything, I miss you._ **

—

Despite your initial reservations, despite the fact that it felt wrong and bad and evil after all you had done, you still found your way back to Hinata.

Some moments, you wonder if it’s a convoluted red string of fate that joins you together even if it’s been dragged through the mud so that it barely looks the brilliant scarlet it’s meant to be. Other times, you wonder if it’s written in the stars that you’d end up like this, no matter how many detours you made. 

Of course, it’s not to say Daichi was a mere detour in the story of your love life. You loved Daichi with your whole heart, but it wasn’t a forever type of love, no matter how hard you had wanted it to be. 

Simply put, you were a coward, while Hinata was not. Hinata had known from the day he met you that you would be his and he would be yours, and the love you had with him was different. 

A terrifying, bold and audacious kind of love.

You no longer hide a ring when you’re with him, and you don’t worry if you’ll ever get a ring when you’re with him, because his love on its own makes you feel hugged and seen in a way you never were before.

You sit courtside and watch your Hinata as he runs from one end to another, his trademark brilliant smile on his face, the same smile he flashes at you when you wake up every day and wholeheartedly choose him, and you know it’s a smile that says ‘ _Watch me! Don’t look away!’_

Even if you will now forever be branded a cheater, you know that this time, you will only look at him, the same way Hinata’s only looked at you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for sticking with this fic to all those who read till the end! Please I love comments and you can also contact me on my tumblr @daddyjima <3


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